Speaking of polite topics, let's talk about gay sex. Yes, I did not just title this post 'Sex' to entice prospective readers. Well, maybe that was part of my reasoning... but never fear, there will be a discussion of sex, oh yes! By discussion, I mean I talk at you in the form of text. Let's start!
Heterosexual Privilege #1: I do not have to explain how I have sex.
Heterosexual Privilege #1: I do not have to explain how I have sex.
Did you know that gay men can have sex in more than one position? C'est vrai! I'm not making it up! One ordinary day, some well-intentioned friends asked me if having sex in the same position gets boring. Now, I don't exactly view us gays as a whole an uncreative group, so I was rather confused by this inquiry. When I probed into the anus of this conversation topic, I discovered that my gay-friendly, liberal friends thought that gay men only have sex 'doggie-style'! How surprised I was to find out this tid bit of straight perspective, as us gay men are often over-sexualized to the point of being compared to sexual deviants of a more severe ilk (pedophiles, those who engage in bestiality... the Knockturn Alley of sexual deviance, if you will). Look, just because we are wizards does not mean we belong in Slytherin. Last time I checked, muggles can be sexually deviant as well. Um. I mean straight people.
Anyway,
my point of that analogy is that I was surprised to find out how little my friends knew about gay male sex, when gay men are so often depicted in the media (when we actually are depicted in the media at all) as hyper-sexual. You could imagine my surprise when they didn't even have the basic lowdown of teh gey sex! It's as if they we're reading Harry Potter and didn't even know that Dumbledore was playing on my team the whole time! (Well, to be honest, I had no idea Dumbledore was gay until Rowling made a public statement... I guess something could be said about presumed heterosexuality as default in this situation).
Where was I? Ah yes, anal sex. One of my gay male friends even told me that his straight female friend felt badly for gay men because they can't kiss while having sex.
Huh?
Okay, let me dispel a few rumors here... actually, this may be easier:
Watch Queer as Folk for five minutes. You will see a multitude of acrobatic gay sex positions that you thought only existed in heaven. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating... but I swear, that show's plot if so sex-dependent. Trust me, I'm all for sex-positivity and I'm a huge supporter of depicting accurate same-sex relationships in popular media... but man, that show is porn! I'm not saying I want a Gay Charlie Brown Christmas special on TV.... actually, yes I am. On careful consideration, that would be every shade of awesome. Think about it... Jesus has 2 dads! "How Progressive!" the congregation will murmur excitedly. "Why, peppermint patty isn't a lesbian after all!" They will proclaim. Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!
I smell sequel.
To wrap up this Christmas present of a post, I'll just say that hetero-sex was not as huge and awkward of a mystery to me as gay sex was to me well-meaning friends. I can't watch a mainstream TV show anymore without being hit in the face with penile-vaginal intercourse (please think about this imagery). The next time Jack Bauer and his male lover try out 69 after saving the world, let me know so I can TiVo that shit.
peace, love, and butt plugs,
Harvey Milk Jr.
Brilliant! Very honest and blunt. Thanks for sharing! I can't wait to hear more :)
ReplyDeleteI actually remember a time, when I was much younger, in which I wondered exactly how two men had sex. I think even back then I thought that only having one position didn't seem to make sense.
ReplyDeletePeople seem to have confusion on lesbian sex as well, or at least the popular conception seems to be that lesbian sex is restricted to cunnilingus, or whatever else is portrayed in porn.
For what it's worth, the definition of "sex" is pretty broad, in my opinion, so I definitely agree with your points. I appreciate the jabs at the media as well.
Also, I enjoy the tone with which you write - humorous with some sting to it.
Interestingly, in the popular media straight sex is almost exclusively portrayed in the "missionary" position, but we all know there are a variety of positions and practices that people can - and do - use. I find that our imagery of sex in the popular media is very shallow, and yet we are all so fascinated by it.
ReplyDeleteAnd for those still not sure about the mechanics of gay male sex, to put things in perspective, a woman's vagina and anus are not really that far apart. It's not that hard to translate most of the same positions straights enjoy to the same-sex bedroom.