Interview with an Ally: Biancaneve

Name: Biancaneve


Age: 21


Race/Ethnicity: White. My ancestors are not from the Caucus Islands.

Gender: Girl

Sex: Female

Religion: Jewish

Social Class: Between lower middle class and working class. Neither of my parents finished college.

Disability Status: not disabled

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: Being heterosexual was not something I thought about growing up.  I always wanted the girls in my class to like me, so that meant liking boys.  It wasn't until I was older that I thought about it and realized that I was attracted to boys not because my friends were, but because I actually liked them.  My parents used to wonder whether or not I was homosexual, since I never discussed boys with them, but in reality I'm just a very private person.  My mother did make a point throughout my youth of telling me that I could date anyone, regardless of gender, as long as that person was close to my age.  I think knowing that I would be accepted as any sexual orientation made it easier to think about whether I liked girls or not at a younger age, and to discover that I did not.

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I have disclosed my heterosexual tendencies to my friends and family.  My parents were relieved when I started dating boys, but I know that they would have been okay with me dating girls as well.  My friends expected my heterosexuality.

Have you tried an alternative to heterosexuality?: During my sophomore year of college, one of my close female friends and I went through a period of time when we were both single and would make out at parties.  She always said it was to keep creepy men away from us, but I think it was because we were both curious, single, and bored with the same routine week after week.  Kissing her was like kissing a man I was not attracted to.  It was pleasant, as most kisses are, but it wasn't anything special, like when you share that moment with someone you truly like.

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: No, I don't believe so.  Although I think the female body is beautiful in its form, I don't see myself ever dating or settling down with a woman.

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: Everything.  Growing up in a heteronormative environment, seeing my parents and grandparents have successful heterosexual relationships, romantic comedies; everything I was exposed to from the time I was born helped shape me into the being I am today.  I don't think I would have turned out differently if the media had exposed me to homosexual images early on in life, but the prevalence of heterosexuality definitely made me see it as the "thing to do," so to speak.

Special thanks to Biancaneve for her courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

If you have some time and feel like some good ol' fashioned introspection, please take our survey here.  All responses from heterosexual allies are more than welcome.


-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Reid

Name: Reid

Age: 22

Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian

Gender: male

Religion: Agnostic

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: I suppose when I first started thinking girls had cooties and then realizing that actually meant I thought they were attractive.

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I never really had to tell anyone. It's one of the those things that is sort of just assumed.

Have you tried an alternative to heterosexuality?: I've only kissed one man, the leader singer of Mindless Self Indulgence. Though that's a strange claim to fame, I admit I didn't enjoy it.

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: At this point, I really doubt it. I mean, anything's possible. I may end up with a boyfriend at some point but right now, I don't see it happening.

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: Ha. Interesting question. I guess if something really "caused" it, it'd be my need to show women that not all guys are assholes when it comes to relationships :)

Special thanks to Reid for his courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

Interview with an Ally: Four Eyes

Name: Four eyes

Age: 22

Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian

Gender: Female

Religion: Jewish

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: I don’t think there was a definitive point where I just stood up and had the epiphany that I was hetero. It’s just an attraction that kind of...happened. The thing is, I feel like defining your sexuality also relies on your experiences. I know I’m attracted to men but that was validated by my sexual experiences with men. Do I think women are beautiful? Of course! If I had a sexual experience with a woman and thoroughly enjoyed it, that would mean validating that I am bisexual [oh, labels]. But until then I’m heterosexual and have known so for a good while.

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I’ve disclosed this to a number of people, including my friends, the men i’ve slept with and the [male] friends i’ve slept with. My parents have known for a while too. Everyone’s reactions? They seem to be pretty understanding of it. 

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: Nah. I don’t think loving men with beards is a phase either.

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: My experiences and my genes. And as it is obligatory to say as a sociology major, society definitely forms the way we look at relationships. With barely any same-sex couples on tv, it’s constantly being pushed into our brains that heterosexual couples are the norm. Anything outside that norm is different and weird. So I blame the media. As always.

Special thanks to Four Eyes for her courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Jason Perez

Name: Jason Perez


Age: 22


Race/Ethnicity: Filipino


Gender: Male


Religion: Non-practicing Catholic


When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: I guess I have always know I was heterosexual. I was a very sexual boy when I was younger and a bit of a horn dog. Even in Kindergarten I would follow my teacher around because I thought she was pretty. When I was in middle school I had some experience with men, but this turned out to be uncomfortable to me and I ended up thinking of women to get through it and not offend the other guy involved. So...I truly think I have always known I was heterosexual.


To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I have disclosed my heterosexual tendencies to most of my friends...and my experiences with men for that matter. I have no qualms about my experiences and feel very open about them.


Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: As stated earlier I think I have always felt this way... and frankly I like women's figures too much to probably ever feel differently on a physical aspect.


What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: I have no clue honestly. I have always thought girls and women to be pretty and more appealing than boys or men. There is something about a nice curvaceous and voluptuous figure and a bubbly personality that is so appealing. I mean guys are great to hang out with, but from experience they aren't as fun to be intimate with... at least to me.

Special thanks to Jason Perez for his courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Carami

Name: Carami

Race/Ethnicity: Black

Gender: Female

Religion: agnostic

When and how did you first decide to be a heterosexual?: Being a hetero wasn't a very difficult decision to make. In many ways it was made for me, as from childhood it was assumed by my parents that I would enjoy wearing pink PJ's and that I would like having my ears pierced, and that I was somehow in love with every boy I chose to give a hard time to. My sexuality has always been assumed because of my gender, and since I had no particularly strong opposition to liking men, I went along with it.

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: Disclosing my tendency to like men was an important part of bonding for me as a preteen and teenager. Pining over a guy my friends and I all found attractive was exciting and fascinating for us, and it was encouraged to do so...in many ways I think by doing this we were fulfilling the expectations adults had for us at this age. Being infatuated with boys made us feel like we were doing something right, like following the images of the perfect white girls on TV who were falling in and out of all sorts of love with their perfect white male counterparts while divulging the woes of infatuation to their friends. 

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: I dont know if I will ever grow out of being a Heterosexual. It is difficult to say. Although it has never been my reaction to find women as viscerally fascinating as men happen to be, I don't want to reject the possibility that my one true love could be a woman. If I meet the perfect person for me, and they also have a vagina, should I deny myself that happiness? The romantic in me says "No". The overly-socialized part of me says "Absolutely." Either way it ends up a tragedy.

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: What has caused my sexuality is something I often think about. I wonder to what degree its natural and to what degree it isn't. I mean, if my mother hadn't put ribbons in my hair and dressed me in skirts and praised my appearance in them, would I intrinsically feel pretty wearing them? How natural is it for me to be completely unattracted to women? Did I somehow learn that the congruence of a male/ female relationship was absolutely right, or was it already understood inside of me the same way Ive always known that I've disliked pain. Now much do the paths of learning and Nature affect each other here? I simply cannot say. I think Im learning though, everyday that straying from the path of heterosexuality is not something anyone wants me to do. Im getting winks that somehow Im on the right path to my true sexual self.

Special thanks to Carami for her courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Token Asian Friend

Name: Token Asian Friend
age: 21
race/ ethnicity: yellow
gender: young phenomenal woman
religion: protestant, but church is a joke.

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: Hmm. While my community is not as uptight as really uptight communities can be about homosexuality, like about 99% of the rest of this country, the environment I was in never gave me the opportunity to think that I was anything other than heterosexual.

I remember in high school when students first started coming out and breaking the mold. It made me question my sexuality. I mean, what could they see that I couldn't? This led me to my belief that heterosexuality and homosexuality just have to be on the same continuum- in other words, depending on the situation, "switching teams" is not as impossible as we think. 

So, I've given it thought, definitely. Yet, at the end of the day I have to admit that men are the ones who make me go "eeee". 

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I'm sure anyone from close friends to professors to customers at my bakery are aware of my heterosexual tendencies, and I announce it freely. Perhaps just as freely as i discuss poop with you. [Side note: Token Asian Friend and I discuss our BM's quite frequently] These discussions can range from sexual encounters to whispers that the guy behind me has a nice ass. 

I can't really remember anyone acting negatively, and i don't find myself molding my words or thoughts depending on the listener's sexuality. culture has been the biggest shaper of my ability to voice my heterosexual tendencies. being a minority in the white upper middle class culture of the u.s. has strangely encouraged me to speak out and be as open as possible with little consequence, or at least little consequence that i actually care about. yet my japanese culture has placed tape over my mouth. i will never ever ever ever feel welcome or comfortable to discuss my heterosexual tendencies with anyone who shares this culture with me, unless it is completely nonsexual or the target whom i am referring to is someone who is that unattainable, such as a boy band or a tv actor. in other words, i can say ichiro suzuki is cute (and he is, you should look him up). yet i can't say that i'd like to sleep with the hot guy in our math class. 

god. complicated. 

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: No, i don't think my heterosexuality is just a phase. i don't think any kind of sexuality is just a phase. the word phase makes me think of cell division. But, I go into weird phases where I like a certain type of guy. I think sophomore year I was into Italians. In high school I liked boys who wore baggy clothing from against all odds. Yeah, don't judge me. 

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: Hm. What caused my heterosexuality... let's see. The phrase "opposites attract"? What's the opposite of pink in this country? Blue. Hmmm... my parents telling me to marry a nice japanese boy. Oh, and disney films. Every princess needs a prince!

So the first step for me was the assumption. Then came the experiences that reaffirmed it for me. The increasing heart rate when I first held a boy's hand my first kiss that made me feel like i was flying, and my boyfriend now, who is just wonderful.

What would it be like if i grew up in some weird twisted world that actually encouraged different types of sexuality? We'll never know.

Special thanks to Token Asian Friend for her courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Dfred

Name: Dfred
Age: 22
Race/Ethnicity: White, Caucasian American :)
Gender: Male
Religion: My god resides in my conscience, and no one religion can contain that.

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?: I decided I was heterosexual when I was maybe 20 years old. I had always believed I was straight, but I struggled for years with the possibility of being Bi-Sexual or maybe Queer/Questioning. I also battled with issues of masculinity. It wasn't until I pin-pointed why I liked who I was and how that translated to why I love, treat, and feel the way I do about women. 

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?: I have disclosed my tendencies to few people actually. I prefer to live in a bit of an ambiguous way. My type of masculinity calls for treating people equally...I guess I just format how I flirt with women sexually and with men professionally. "People Pleasing" v. "People Pleasuring"... :)

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?: My sexuality cannot be a phase, but the way I present it certainly can. I will always question my sexuality. I believe I'm attracted to people, and not just genders/sexualities. I feel as though I can only be truly sexually involved with women, but that never limits the flexibility I am capable of. For instance, if I needed to I could be intimate with a man, like in the case of a performance/play, or if the event arose....can't see what that would mean(maybe the right person). But I know I have the capacity to show romantic affection. What it comes down to is that I can only foresee myself in a committed relationship or marriage to a woman. I personally would prefer to take advantage of my heterosexual tendencies, in my plans to raise a family with a woman to whom I am physically and spiritually connected. 

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?: Frankly, I know that I was born heterosexual...or rather I was born more heterosexual than anything else. My upbringing taught me to love all people, and to treat people as equals. I may stray from this at times, as strain is apt to occur, but I know that my own personal batch of heterosexuality comes from within. I struggled all of my life to live the way that I have chosen to. I know for a fact that my parents wish I would have taken an easier route. But alas. I think for myself, and I always have. Oh and being attracted to women helped a little as well :)

Special thanks to Dfred for his courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*

-Harvey

Interview with an Ally: Late Bloomer

I'd like to introduce a segment of my blog that I hope will become regular, which I like to call "Interview with an Ally". In these segments, I will interview self-identified straight individuals who are allies to LGBT issues about their sexualities to help readers remember that heterosexuality is indeed a sexuality, just like homosexuality, bisexuality, etc. It's not a 'default sexuality' or a 'lack of sexuality', parallel to how many mistakenly assume middle-class white U.S. culture as the default culture, or a 'lack of culture'.

So, let's get started with my first interview with an ally!

Name: Late Bloomer

Age: 22

Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian
Gender: Female
Religion: My 'religion' is sort of up in the air right now haha...I was raised Christian (CMA) and went to a Christian college (Anabaptist) but I would definitely classify myself as 'spiritual' rather than 'religious' now. I don't like saying I'm a 'Christian' because there are so many negative connotations associated with that word, especially to the LGBT community. But, I definitely don't see myself as an Atheist or even classify myself as Agnostic...There are certain principles of Christianity that do I believe in (though they are not always upheld by the mass Christian community), so I guess I would still call myself Christian...I just hate that word! gah!

When and how did you first decide you were a heterosexual?:
Hmmm, I think it was something I always just assumed about myself, not necessarily "decided." I grew up in a small town with absolutely no diversity and I wasn't exposed to homosexuality until high school. This might sound stupid, but I didn't even realize there were "options" other than being straight until I was in my teens! I'm a bit of a "late-bloomer" as far as my sexuality is concerned, so for awhile, I did wonder if I actually might be a lesbian...but I knew for sure I was straight after a few experiences with girls...lol! I still wouldn't say I "decided" I was straight; it was just something I came to realize.

To whom have you disclosed your heterosexual tendencies? How did they react?:
Ha! I think my parents and more conservative friends were relieved when I "revealed" my heterosexual tendencies; they could breathe a sigh of relief that I wasn't gay! (sad, but true)

Is it possible your heterosexuality is just a phase you may grow out of?:
To be fair, I have never actually been in a relationship with a man. Right now, I can't picture myself in relationship with a woman, either, but I am definitely attracted to them. I think I will always be attracted to men, but on the Kinsey scale, I'm not 100% straight, either. So, no, my heterosexuality is NOT a phase I will "grow out of," but I AM still exploring my sexuality...so I could potentially end up with a woman someday, too. I'm trying to be open to having a relationship with a *person* regardless of their sex.

What do you think caused your heterosexuality?:
Like everything, it was probably just a combination of genetics and environment :) I don't like the word "caused," however. Who's to say my sexuality was *caused* by anything? I'd like to think it's simply a part of who I am--whether it be straight, gay, bisexual, transgendered, etc. I'm trying to not be so hung up on labels :) I don't think we should have to "define" something so personal and dynamic. My own sexuality is still evolving--Just one reason I choose not to list who I am "interested in" on Facebook :)

Special thanks to Late Bloomer for her courage and insight!

*Questions taken from the Heterosexuality Questionnaire, Attributed to Martin Rochlin, PhD, January 1977*